The Hyuga princess diaries
by Permalosa
Summary: "I would die if somebody else read this". Random things Hinata wrote in her small diary. Pairings: NaruHina, SasuHina, KibaHina, GaaHina, NejiHina etc. A bit angst, only a bit.


Hi, my name is Hinata. I don't know why I'm writing this. I have never write a diary before. Maybe because I have nobody to discuss all these things I'm thinking. I would die if somebody else read this. Maybe if I wasn't so shy I would have someone to talk to. I don't believe that I'm that shy, I just prefer to be silent if I have not something to say.

Sometimes I think about what would happen if I was more confident… I would have popular friends and many guys around me. I would surely love that. But I have seen "Mean Girls". Those friendships most times aren't real. And even if I have not many friends now, I have my two best friends. I guess that two best true friend are much better than many fake popular friends.

And my other problem? My two best friends are guys. Just that. They are funny, great and supportive… but you can't talk to them like you would talk to your girl friend. I'm 16 now and I have never felt so confused. I can't talk to those two about the weird feelings I get or my worries about the future. Or how I feel about other certain boys. That's why I'll write everything I feel here.

* * *

><p>One of the weirdest night of my life.<p>

It was Kiba's sister, Hana's birthday. There Ino was hugging and kissing Kiba whose eyes where stuck in her cleavage. My best friend Ino may like my other best friend's (I mean Hana. I just like to hang out with her sometimes.) brother. She herself had many romances that didn't end so well and I want her to find a good boyfriend but not him. Kiba is not just like every other boy to me. He is unique. I love him, in a brotherly way of course. However when we are training alone and we get really close, I can't help it. And all those thing I had fantasized him doing to me…. (I must stop, I think my nose is bleeding.) What was I saying…Oh yes! You don't steal someone's fantasy like that. I think she already knows I have a thing for him...

And when the party cames to an end it 's time to say goodbye to Hana and him. Strangely enough I don't feel my heart tighten. I know that he will be always there for me. And then he hugs me. And I melt. My legs feel wobbly and my breathing stops for a second. If only we could stay like this forever… And I don't care anymore because I don't know what I feel about him. Something between a lover and a brother. Lover? That's a too serious word for me. But "crush" is too light. We part our ways. Whatever.

* * *

><p>Then comes the other. The dream boy. Tall, slim, muscular, strong. Kind, nice, smiling. Neji. He comes out of nowhere. He looks at you talking with your friends, totally oblivious to his presence, until one of your friends tells you. Then you are caught in surprise. You smile and talk without thinking what to say. He talks too. For the few seconds it lasts it is great. He says how his weekend was. You die every time he smiles. It a slow painful, yet wonderful death. He leaves.<p>

One of your friends comments about his deep voice and flirty tone.

"Is there something between you two?", she asks.

I 'd wish... He is kind to everyone. Everyone loves him. There is on such thing as "us" just "me and he". And then you remember him tickling you some years before in junior high, his hands on your body, totally innocently. But he made you shivered once. And he still does. End of flashback. But what a delightful flashback It was.

* * *

><p>Then I made a reference to the past and came in mind Naruto, my beloved boy who left, without knowing how I felt about him. When I think about other guys, it feels a little like cheating on his memory of my past love. What we two 've been through. He was my first love and I was determined to do anything for him. Except for telling to him how I felt off course. I do not regret never telling him. Things are better this way, even if he lives now in the other side of the ocean. I still think of him from times to times.<p>

I did so many things about him. He was the reason that I joined Facebook and that's why I played Farmville. The digital chickens we were sending to each other every day was the biggest sign of his affection. Just kidding. I will never forget his face when he saw me dressed up to that wedding. And then we danced together for the rest of the evening. The greatest night of my life so far!

Still I can feel my heart aching whenever I see him with another girl. But then he sees me too and comes closer to greet me, wanting to show me that we two will be forever two good friends.

* * *

><p>Then there is he. I met Uchiha Sasuke in a party. We talked, we laughed. I don't think he likes me. He just talks to me to make his ex-girlfriend, Sakura jealous. Or at least I think so. Sakura sits next to me and seems happy talking with Naruto. Sasuke still tries to get her attention. I was still thinking that he didn't care about me. Until he made that comment.<p>

In the end of the night I complained about my too tight skirt.

"Then why don't you take it of?" he tells greening like Cheshire Cat.

I look at him pretending to get angry. I laugh. He looks away and then laughs too. That was good! On my way home I realise it. I like him.

I walk away in my tight skirt. The guys notice me. I can't hide a tiny smirk every time they turn their heads to take a better look to me. They give you so easily their attention. Especially when you wear a short skirt. But it's so difficult to get their heart. Especially when they don't even have one.

* * *

><p>And an unexpectable one, Shikamaru. Your friend's, Temari's boyfriend. You laugh at each other, you talk low voiced, you plan how to scare cats in his neighborhood. You even like the same kind of music. You see him kissing your friend. You feel happy about her. But also a bit jealous. Why aren't I in her shoes leaning over him to kiss his lips…? Then you feel guilty. I must be the worst friend in the whole world. She is my friend. And Shikamaru is her boyfriend. Although, he places his hand on your shoulder. You smile. To him, to her, to your whole company.<p>

Seeing other girls and especially the ones I know really well and trust, with their boys is so strange for me. I feel happy for them. As the same time I feel jealous of them. A bit. Only a bit. Or a little more. I want that too. Kisses, hugs, holding hands... It wouldn't mind me to have them too.

* * *

><p>In the class that shy boy over there? Gaara of the sand? Yes he is cute. Yes, he blushes every time the girls around him speak about bras or girly stuff like that. Yes I like him. And yes my friend likes him too. <em>"Gaara of the Sand, he seems to hand out with Naruto." <em>I hear someone commenting. He is always serious and quiet as I do. He doesn't even smile. But he is kind to everyone. And still yes I don't know what to do. I leave him to Matsuri. She tells him what she feels, but he doesn't respond. He just doesn't feel that way about her. Or he _still _doesn't feel that way about her. Matsuri has her way to make herself likeable to everyone.

"Let's be just friends for now ok?"

He will always be another sweet memory of this damn puberty. I don't think I'll even see him ever I again. That's fine by me.

* * *

><p>Then you meet somebody new. It is Uchiha Itachi, Sasuke's brother. You want to get his attention, to make him smile, to charm him. You try hard. You fail. He looks at your best friend. You sigh. Then you relax. Just talk casually, doing non senses, and being spontaneous as if you know him since years. You succeed. You are not his princess but you are a pretty fun person to hang out with. Mission accomplished.<p>

In fact I never felt alright around strangers. Every time I try to talk to them, it feels like butterflies are flying into my stomach, I get red as a tomato and I can't speak a single word. At times like that I feel lucky to have Shino or Kiba to help me out of that situation. Still they manage to meet me around new people to make of less shy, but I just can't help it. I guess that is who I am. Now I think about it, rarely they are leading me away of another companies with many unknown guys that make of feel rather uncomfortable.

The other time Sakura noticed that maybe I'm afraid of people and mainly boys for the same reason they are afraid of me; they move in large groups like 10 or 15. I said that I do not have so many friends to . . . kinda intimidate the others. I 'll write now what she exactly said.

- No, but you constantly move around with Kiba and Shino that guard you like shepherd dogs.

- Especially Kiba. You must admit he is a cutie. Ino said. She took an interest in him when she saw him training shirtless.

- I guess he is. I said. I don't know why but this conversation made me feel a bit awkward. So I left for a walk.

Other guys do not approach me in groups unless I am with Tenten, Sakura and Ino, but even then it is not so easy to talk to them. Especially when you have somebody else on your mind...

* * *

><p>When an enamored is not enamored anymore, he hurts even more looking for that sweet pain that will open a greater hollow in his heart. At least now you would have something worth to mourn for.<p>

I'm in love. Not with some person in particular. Just with love. I am in love with love. I make myself to like someone because that's what makes me feel alive.

I'm feel kinda sleepy so I 'll stop this. Maybe tomorrow I'll write again.

* * *

><p>Why is it so important today to have a boyfriend? I hear many times my girl friends complaining that they want a boyfriend. Though it is different to be in love with someone, from only wanting to have a boyfriend to show him around. The most of my friends already know which guy they'll like probably for the rest of their life. As an example, Sakura likes still her ex, that Uchiha boy, while Tenten is crazy about my cousin the last three years. I could hook then up if I tell her that Neji told me he likes her too. This is another subject. Ino in the other hand first liked Sasuke, then Shikamaru, now <em>my <em>Kiba. Wait I meant _my friend _Kiba. Damn...

I have no idea whom I like. At first I thought that I was in love with just Naruto, but now... I'm afraid that I 'll be a little like Ino who has a crush on every boy of the Village.

I can't solve it alone. It might be risky but tomorrow I 'll ask the boys for advice. Or just Kiba. Or just Shino. Or both. I don't know, now I want to cry. I can't even decide on that. Damn...

* * *

><p>Now I know why everyone needs a boyfriend! But I don't know if the answer I was told is true. The boys spoke. Sex. That's what makes the world go round.<p>

I 'll write now our dialogue. It may be worth to read it again. H is for me, S for Shino, K for Kiba.

H - ... S-Sex ?

K - Well, yeah!

S - Plain sex.

H - And what about the love and the affection that somebody needs?

K *looks unamused*

S - That's why friends exist. Boyfriends and girlfriends are another thing.

K - But some times...

H - Some times? I was practically hanging from his lips.

K - If you are lucky enough you will find somebody that will give you true love and affection.

He looked away then and his voice became sadder or more melancholic. Or gloomy. I suppose that's the proper word to describe his voice.

I tried to comfort him but Kiba brushed me off. Shino wishpered something about Kiba being on his period again. Kiba got up, wakled closer to him and punched him hard. I, shocked, run to Shino who had fallen on the ground, rubbing his forehead. In an instance Kiba without looking back at me or Shino, put his hands on his pockets and walked away with Akamaru. I don't know why but I felt really really bad. Maybe I shouldn't brought this up at all. And now that I write about it I still feel a mess. My tears are staining the stupid paper. I cannot write any more today.

* * *

><p>It is 10 in the evening. I don't have to do anything better and I sit on my parents king-sized bed and I read. Our library has many interesting books that I hadn't noticed before. Hanabi is out with her friends, and my parents have gone out too. Ino, Sakura and Tenten called me to in out with them as well. I said no. I didn't feel like going out tonight. I don't have to do anything better and I read. Though tomorrow we are writing a test on some lesson - I don't really remember. But I an not into studying mood right now.<p>

Whatever this is not the reason I started to write. As I'm alone here, it's pretty quiet. The only thing I can hear is my pencil scratching over the paper. But every time I here a voice outside, I think that it's him. Him-who? I don't know. But every time I hear his voice I want to run in the balcony to see if it's him for real. But something holds me back. Even if he is right out from my home what will happen?

I'll just appear out of nowhere telling "Hi, how are you?", "Beautiful night isn't it, but quite chilly."

But whoever he is; Kiba, Naruto, Sasuke, I doubt that he will pass right out from my home.

The voices have stopped so there is no reason to keep writing. It is starting to get a little windy now. It's better than those hot nights when I couldn't sleep. It seems that tonight my only company will be the wind and my books. Well maybe and some friends through Facebook.

* * *

><p>Dear diary<p>

Weird way to start my writing. Whatever. Things are getting more and more complicated. I'm speaking about Kiba. And Ino. She has started to get more serious about him. She told Sakura Tenten and me that she tried to hit on Kiba at school but he didn't flirt her back. Something I was a bit relieved about.

And then she asked of to make Kiba in out with her. At that moment I froze. I could not tell her no. I thought that she would understand that I feel ... this thing for Kiba. I just said to Ino that Kiba was too stubborn for me or Shino to persuade. She just smiled at of and nodded, agreeing with my last statement. But she won't give up so easily.

She made Tenten to speak to Neji about Kiba. Kiba and Neji started to hang out since I forced them, two years before. I just wanted those two to get along and not start fighting whenever they were met. Since then Neji and Kiba became inseparable although Kiba's official best friend is Shino. So now Neji promised to Tenten that he would persuade Kiba to in out with Ino. And he did so. Tenten just texted me about it. That's why I'm writing so nervously. Even my hand is trembling.

Ino called us tomorrow, me Tenten, Sakura, Neji and Kiba to in out. I don't know what will come out. And I don't want to find out.

* * *

><p>Tonight I feel so tired. I had been training the whole day and now I can't move my feet. It is not just me. Everyone I know gave me the impression that they were exhausted. My girl friends just told me that the only thing they wanted was to lay on the sofa in front of TV. The boys had other plans. Kiba and Shino have planned to stay inside and play video games until the morning and Neji will also stay at his home.<p>

I'm logging into Facebook looking for somebody to speak to. It's a strange thing. I may want to be alone in my room without seeing anyone but I also want to speak to a friend. I'm lucky! Tenten is online! I'm thinking about telling her how I feel about some guy(s). And she might be cake to advise me after all what to I am ready to tell her I hear a knock on the door. My sister Hanabi. She says that my parents are going to order dinner. If I want to eat I must go downstairs too. I have to go now. My revelation will wait a bit more.

* * *

><p>And here we are, in the coffee house. Me, Neji, Tenten, Ino and of course Kiba. I'm faking a smile as Ino is chatting with Kiba and Tenten explain to me and my cousin the new technique she developed. She calls it "Kunai storm". Neji tries to persuade her that it won't work because after she throws all her kunais, she will be left unarmed and therefore unprotected. I try to persuade Tenten that her new technique is brilliant and that Neji only cares for her and that's why he expresses his Tenten asks Neji if what Is aid is true, he looks away and tells that as her team-mate, it is natural to be worried for her. As he starts blushing, Tenten notes that me and my cousin are blushing in the same way when we feel uncomfortable. She starts giggling, making me laugh too and Neji blush even Ino has literally cornered Kiba asking what kind of girls he likes. He puts his hand around my neck and answers.<p>

- I guess I like the friendly ones!

The rest of the time flows with Ino hitting on Kiba, Kiba smiling slightly to me every time Ino talks about relationship-stuff, me chatting with Tenten about Neji, Tenten laughing when we make the usually cold Neji blush, and Neji looks annoyed to Ino every time she talks for relationship stuff. It is time to say goodbye Ino asks Kiba if he would like to walk her home, my team mate kindly says that his home is on the opposite direction. So Neji walks both Tenten and Ino home as their houses are near and, more importantly, he aims to bicker in private with Tenten. I end up walking with Kiba in some dark alley, that is closer to our homes. Normally I would pick a main road to walk my way home as I was afraid of these dark alleys but since Kiba was with me...

- So what do you think about Ino? He asks me. It reminded me of Neji who used to ask me about Tenten sometimes.

- W-well she is a-a nice person and a g-good friend... W-why are you a-asking?

- I'm just asking. You don't really like her, do you. Kiba seemed pretty sure about that. His last words were more like a statement than a question.

I just tried to defend myself.

- I h-have to like her. S-she is my friend.

- It has nothing to do with that. I don't like Shino and still we can't live without each other. You, yourself said that, don't you remember it ?

As we were nearly reaching to the end of the alley, I turned left while the way to my home was on the right. Kiba grabbed my hand and brought me to the right side.

- W-well yeah, b-but why are you a-asking?

Kiba shrugged his shoulders and as we were passing through a lamppost I saw his lips in a canine smile.

- I just want to know your opinion about her.

We were right outside from my home. So Kiba had to go. This time my heart is beating so fast that I fell it will break anytime. It's the first time that I fell Kiba can leave me.

- K-Kiba?

- Yes?

- Can I ask y-you….?

- What is it ?

I can feel the blood running through my veins, painting my face bright red.

- W-would you ever l-leave me if you had a girlfriend…?

He smiles and hugs me as usually, when we say goodbye. But this hug lasts much longer.

- Don't talk nonsenses!


End file.
